Week 3 - Day 19

I'm now sitting at Week 3 - Day 19 and feeling really good.

The training is going really well. I had a CrossFit session on Tuesday that nearly killed me, but other than that, I'm really enjoying how things are progressing. I seem to be getting stronger. And definitely looking much less bloated.

Can't wait to try on those size 8 jeans on Sunday to see how I'm progressing!

Lorna Jane - A 'fattist'

I've never really taken much notice when it comes to women's gym gear. I mean, what the point? I train to get fit. I sweat. I grunt. There's nothing pretty about it at all.

But late last year I stumbled across some Lorna Jane gym gear that really inspired me. I mean, how awesome are these singlets?

Unfortunately, they're not as awesome as they may seem. Especially not according to Kim at allconsuming who labels Lorna Jane (or perhaps more-so her workout gear) 'fattist'. That's right. Kim claims that Lorna Jane, despite all her inspiring slogans, has forgotten about 'fat people' (her words not mine!).

Today, only days after reading Kim's post, I stumbled across a tweet from Lorna Jane herself boasting about the latest Lorna Jane Active photo shoot. Check it out.

I couldn't help myself. I had to tweet back.

Perhaps I'm missing the point here. Perhaps that gorgeous model was chosen by Lorna Jane to inspire women to get out their boxing gloves and get fit. Perhaps.

But that doesn't help Kim or I. I look at that picture and I don't feel inspired. I feel alienated. I feel intimated. And I feel bad about myself. The honest truth is that a women of my size, a size 12 or 14 that is, with the extra curves here and there, would be unlikely to have been chosen for that photo shoot.

As I stand on my pedestal I think back to those size 8 jeans and I realise how misguided my intentions are. I am fit. I am strong. I am healthy. So when exactly did that stop being enough?

Week 2 - Day 1

I was very excited about today's CrossFit workout.

1 RM back squat

I've been smashing the back squats lately and I was hoping to smash my last 1RM of 62.5kg on 29 January 2012.

Unfortunately I ran out of time and only ended up lifting 65kg. I walked away from this guttered because I knew I could have gone to at least 70kg!

We finished off the work out with:

42 Wall ball shots @ 9kg(6kg)
21 Pull-ups
Run 200 meters
30 Wall ball shots
15 Pull-ups
Run 200 meters
18 Wall ball shots
9 Pull-ups
Run 200 meters

Don't remember my results for this workout but I was happy to just make it through the work out with a red band for pull-ups.  Wall ball shots need some serious work however!

Week 1 - Day 7

Today marked the end of week 1.

And it took every bit of energy to drag myself out of bed in the morning to do today's workout.
Was happy to just tick it off.

Warm up pace for 10 mins then gently build to a level that is moderately uncomfortable. 

Hold this pace for 10 mins then reduce to your warm up pace again for 5 mins then build again to moderately uncomfortable for 10 mins. 

Cool down for 5 mins.

Week 1 - Day 6

Today was supposed to be a rest day but I had to make up Thursday's missed session.

So after a big breakfast (bad, bad idea!) I put the lead on Lilly and stepped out in the rain for my hill runs.

15 minute warm up
5 x 45 second hill runs, recovering on the decline.

My legs felt like lead after yesterday's CrossFit session. Despite this workout requiring less than 4 minutes of work, I found it be very exhausting.

I came home wet and sore, but ultimately glad to tick off another session.

Week 1 - Day 5

Crossfit training day.

After a self-imposed rest day yesterday and plenty of sleep, I was feeling great about today's workout. That's not to say that I wasn't experiencing some severe anxiety. 7 rounds? That's 70 wall balls. 105 kettlebell swings!

And it was every bit horrendous as I had imagined!


Front Squat
Find your your 1RM
(50kg - had two attempts at 55kg but failed both)

Then…
7 rounds for time of:
1 Rope climb
10 Wall ball shots @ 9kg(6kg)
15 Kettle bell swings @ 24kg(16kg)
20 Double unders

(14:50, 3 x strict pull + 3 x tucks, 4kg wall balls, 12kg kettle bell swings, 60 single skips)

Week 1 - Day 4

Today's session was hill runs. 5 x 45 second hill runs with recovery on the decline. A short sharp session, high in intensity.

Well, it didn't happen. The only thing high in intensity for me today was the throbbing of my head. After three 12 hour days at work, coupled with the 5.30am start, I was totally beat!

So folks, I've had to reschedule the hill runs for Saturday (also known as rest day). Nothing wrong with that right?

Week 1 - Day 3 - REST DAY!

Rest day. No working out today which means that today it is all about the cake. That's right. Cake.

So I turned up to cake school (first day back after the term break) with my shiny new cake kit. Husband bought it for me yesterday - and let's just say that it 'turned-heads'. It truly is epic. Check it out.

He's a real keeper (....and I'm not just talking about the cake kit!).

Oh and while we're on the topic of cake, here are the baby cake creations from today.

I do love a good rest day.

Week 1 - Day 2

Had a terrible day today. Up at 5.35am. At work at 6.30am. Crossfit at 6pm.

Nothing about today was desirable.

But it's a long road to the half-marathon and if I'm making excuses to skip training at day 2 - there's just about no hope of making it to race day.

Crossfit today was:

Deadlift
2-2-2 @ 95%
(72.5kg x 3 - only made it to 91% of my 80kg 1RM but I'm only now beginning to feel like I'm regaining my strength)

Weighted Push-up
3-3-3
(body weight x 3, pretty easy, should've done weighted!)

Then…

For time:
Row 500 meters
Then complete 3 rounds of:
15 Pull-ups
15 Sit-ups
15 Kettle bell swing @ 24kg(16kg)
Then run 400 meters to finish
(13 minutes, using 12kg kettle band and red band - finally getting the kipping motion back so hopefully I can progress to an orange band soon)

Luckily it was a 3-rounder. I don't think, mentally, that I could have endured a chipper today. Not today.

Week 1 - Day 1

....and we're off and running.

Today was week 1, day 1. Crossfit training day.

Having crossfitt-ed now for nearly 12 months, I was pretty confident going into day 1.

Back Squat
2-2-2
(55kg, 60kg, 60kg)

Weighted Pull-up or Kipping Pull-up technique
3-3-3
(strict pull-up - red band)

Then…

Partner WOD
As many reps as possible in 12 minutes of:
Power Clean & Jerk @ 45kg(32.5kg)
20 Squats as a pacer
3 Burpees every minute

(48 PC&J @ 25kg)

Back squat is getting much stronger - I'm looking forward finding my 1RM next week. On 29 January, during Crossfit Total, I achieved a 1RM for back squat of 62.5kg. I should be smashing that 1RM next week!

A time to chase

So I managed to hunt down my results from the Salonpas Half Marathon 2009 (11 October 2009).

Here it is, the time I'm chasing.

Ground zero

The scales are not my friend. They do nothing but judge me on the late night cake-binges, the decadent cheeses...and the wine. They ridicule me every time I jump on. I can almost hear them whisper taunts at me like 'fatty' and 'chubba'.

No. The scales are definitely not my friend.

So I'm taking a whole new approach this time. I've moved on. I don't need them anymore.

This time - it's all about the measurements.

Bust: 96cm
Waist: 82cm
Hips: 96cm
Thighs: 60cm

This time, it's about what I can see. And how other people see me.

The big 'P'

Husband and I joined at Crossfit Richmond about 12 months ago. Those first couple months were fantastic. We were exercising together, eating really well and we both felt fabulous.

Gradually I started noticing changes in Mr. He looked terrific. His beer belly had transformed into a tight abdomen. His arms started to get bigger. Even his face looked terrific. People started commenting about how fabulous he looked. He would tell them about Crossfit and how much we both loved it. I would wait in the wings, patiently, hoping someone would then turn to me and mention how great I was looking. But no-one ever did.

I'd look at myself and in the mirror and think 'I feel strong and I'm so much fitter' I must be looking better. I'd dismiss the paranoia and just continue what I was doing - Crossfit-ing five times a week and eating a strict paleo (cave-man) diet.

One night, as I got ready for bed I finally broke. I remember balling my eyes out. Resenting Mr for looking fabulous and hating myself for, well, not looking so fabulous. Mr was perfect - he said all the right things, encouraged me to to keep going. Told me I looked perfect to him.

But the outbursts became more frequent. I could no longer hide my jealousy. Every time he jumped on the  scales I would yell at him and ask him not to be so obvious about his weight loss. Every time someone complimented him about how lean he was looking, I would rudely interject with an obnoxious 'but what about me, goddamit! I've been training as hard as he has. What about me?'. People started to look at me like I was crazy.

My motivation began to wain, as did Mr's patience. He kept saying 'but you must be doing something wrong, you must be snacking too much, you must be cheating'. I would get angry. I knew I wasn't snacking too much. I knew I wasn't cheating. I just knew something was wrong.

I was tired. I was having acne breakouts every-other week. My mood-swings were all over the place. And my periods had become very irregular.

That was it. I had had enough. I booked an appointment for the doctors and off I went. I really didn't expect much at all. But I told her everything.

She looked at me sympathetically. She could understand how upset I was. She referred me to a couple scans and blood-tests and off I went.

A week later, I found myself back in her office. She flicked back and forth through the results. Then she looked me straight in the eyes. 'So I think we may have uncovered the reason for the symptoms you've been experiencing lately. You have what's called poly-cystic ovarian syndrome'.

At this point I let out a cheer that almost lifted her from her chair.

I have something! I have a reason. Not an excuse. But a reason.

She kept talking for what felt like forever. I listened. I nodded. I couldn't stop smiling. I was giddy with excitement.

The second I walked out of her office, I sent an SMS to Mr - 'I told you I wasn't snacking too much. And no I wasn't cheating. I have PCOS. A medical condition. It's not my fault. I knew it. I knew something was wrong'.

...six months have since passed. The excitement has worn off. I now understand, really understand, what it means to have PCOS.

I'm now permanently engaged in battle. This time it's not with Mr, but it's with myself. With my body that refuses to co-operate. My body, that is so determined to fight against me.

The greatest betrayal of all.

Half-marathon training program

Sitting in my inbox today was the first six weeks of my 12 week half-marathon training program.  It basically involves doing three Crossfit sessions and two running sessions per week.

I've already trained for and completed one half-marathon so there's really no reason why I can't do this.  Having said that, I weighed about 13kg less back then, so I guess this time around it's like doing it with a weight vest.

And the upside of all this? In about 12 weeks I get to start carb-loading (which for me, is perhaps the most exciting part of the training for a half-marathon).

Will run for cake

Some people are born athletes. You can see it in their eyes - they were born to run, jump, lift. Compete. They're the sort of people who can't go a couple of days without exercising. The sort who take joggers and gym gear with them on holidays.

I am not one of these people.

I do not exercise out of joy. I exercise because I have to. I exercise because it's just not possible to eat as much as I do (or to eat what I do) without gaining lots of weight.

I've said it time and time again - the day I fit back into a pair of size 8 jeans is the day that I throw away my gym gear and give it up for good (....or at least until I no longer fit back into those jeans).

But lately, one could say I've hit rock bottom.  Or at least I hope this is rock bottom because surely things can't get any worse than this. I'm heavier than I have ever weighed in my life. My 'fat' clothes barely fit and people have well and truly started commenting on my recent weight gain.

To be honest, this really shouldn't be unfamiliar territory. I am the poster-girl for yo-yo dieting. Or at least...I used to be. I've been on a diet since I was about 10. Not because I was fat (okay, maybe a bit chubby but never overweight) but because it was the only way to cope with all the feasting. So my life was a cycle of 3 months feasting, 1 month dieting. And it worked so well! My weight fluctuated 5kg back and forth. I was happy. Content.

But now. There is no yo-yo. Despite what feels like almost constant dieting (some apparently call this a 'lifestyle change' - I refer to it as HELL!) I am unable to lose anything. I am fitter and stronger (thanks to Crossfit) but my clothes fit the same and the measurements haven't moved an inch.

Somewhere, somehow, that balance between food and exercise has come undone. In a quest to regain that balance I've committed myself to running the Run Melbourne half-marathon on 15 July 2012. It's as simple as that.

I will run for food.

I will run so I can continue to eat copious amounts of cheese. I will run so I don't feel bad when I gorge on flourless chocolate cake and creme freche. I will run so I don't feel bad about a couple of glasses of red on a friday night.

I will run in hope that one day I will actually pick up a pair of size 8 jeans and slip right into those babies!

Oh god.....I'll actually have to run.......